On a normal day perfection includes: minimal traffic, showing up to work and finding a fresh pot of coffee, a productive work day, and some kind of barbecued red meat for dinner, but when the CNE is on: the potential for “incredible” grows to ridiculous heights. My ideal CNE day would probably go roughly like this:
I wake up at a sharp 9:00 am and start walking over to the GO station by my house, I would imagine somewhere along the way to the train I would find $20, this has never happened before but is a staple in my imagination. The train would be full, except of course for my car, which is empty. My friends would get on the train at the next stop and we’d carry on to the Ex.
All of us were on the ball this year and bought our tickets in advance online, not only saving $4 but also skipping the ticket line upon entry. Knowing my friends, it would be approximately 1-3 minutes before we were all lost/ separated with at least two of us not having a functioning cell phone (this isn’t ideal as much as it is inevitable). Now that I’m on my own I’ll hit up the Food Building for the first of many times, I use one of the coupons from my ticket to get a free Pizza slice with the purchase of a slice and a drink, I would gladly share my extra slice with anybody nearby excepting the fact that I’d probably be too hungry and hypnotized by the deliciousness to think of that.
I’m sure I’ll run into my friends eventually and it will probably happen either in the Casino or around the CNE Beach Bar, either way it means the $20 I found earlier would quickly disappear. This is the point where I realize how insane the Zip Line looks and figure I need to give it a try, jumping off of things has always been a bit of a hobby of mine, and I should probably spend my money on this rather than on roulette. I get my ticket and I hop in line, it’s a pretty substantial line up but it’s only a couple minutes before I realize I’m lined-up next to Brett Lawrie from the Toronto Blue Jays.
“What are you doing here Brett Lawrie?”
“Oh you know, I’m doing a meet and greet here next week, but I’m just here to ride the zip line and see the concert tonight”
We start to talk about Langley, BC (where we both used to live), sports, music, and how Toronto is awesome and he introduces me to his super model girlfriend and all her work colleagues. We Zip down the Line and I get my adrenaline fix.
I’m hungry again so my new friends and I all grab some bacon wrapped/encrusted delicacies from the Food Building, and then head to the beach bar to hang out with the other Play Like a Pro meet & greeters the Maple Leafs’ Jay McClement, and The Raptors’ Jamaal Magloire (In my imagination they’re all friends).
Luckily my new friend Brett covers the bill and offers me three of his back stage passes to the illScarlett-USS show that evening which is perfect because I just ran into my friends. None of them have eaten in a while so I take another run at the Food Building; this time indulging in the East meets West culinary masterpiece that is the Kim-Chi Taco. It’s now about the right time to head to the Bandshell for what will undoubtedly be “The Best” what with two of Canada’s most incredible and underrated rock acts performing an outdoor festival show, and thanks to my buddy Brett Lawrie we get back stage. Everything is going great and then, right before the encore, tragedy strikes. Ash Boo-Shultz from USS cripples his left hand trying to open up a locked trunk (like at the end of Back to the Future) causing Jason the Human Kebab to frantically ask if anyone knows how to play Hollowpoint Sniper Hyperbole on guitar. I raise my hand slowly.
That’s how I get signed to million dollar contract and become the richest, most famous person in the world…It could happen.